My eating Disorder Story

My Eating Disorder Story

(So I started writing this post last week during eating disorder awareness week and ended up putting it on pause and writing other posts instead, I guess I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was to have my full story out there but it is something I want to help spread awareness on and so without further ado here’s my story so far).

Some of you may already be aware of ‘Eating Disorder Awareness Week’. A week dedicated to spreading awareness about eating disorders, people who have them, what it’s like and how to help.

This one hits home a little personally as I have been suffering from an eating disorder for many years now that I haven’t really spoken up on and haven’t really sought out any help on until recently. I have only recently just accepted and become aware of my own issues, after living blissfully (or so I thought) in denial for far too long, allowing those who loved and cared for me watch me turn into something… that could barely pass as a hallow shell of who I once was.

I had easily convinced myself that I was fine, I didn’t have an eating disorder, that everyone was being overly paranoid about my weight because I was just skinny, being skinny through my years I’ve heard it all about my weight. But back when I was younger I never really had a problem with eating, I had what was probably a great relationship with food but as I grew and my body grew so did my taste buds and the food went from tasting like heaven to tasting and feeling as though I had ripped off a piece of cardboard and popped it into my mouth.

I had started going days and weeks without eating when I felt too bad I would drink a lot of tea and suck on a few pieces of chocolate to get me through the day… That was only a year ago for me. It was only a year ago that I accepted that I did have a problem with food.

Because I’ve had so many people talk to me about my weight, worry over me about my weight I never paid them any attention. I’ve had so many people ask me if I suffer from anorexia or some other eating disorder, I didn’t care for it and didn’t want to hear it, it just started making me feel self conscious about myself. I went from only mildly caring about what I looked like to spending up to two – three hours getting readying and checking myself in the mirror. I started wearing more baggier clothing and avoided people I knew instantly would have something to say to me.

2018, summer, standing next to my blue haired pixie sister. It was the first time I had left the house in something other than my boyfriend hoodie and baggy leggings.

It always got to me the way people think they have the right to tell me what they think about my weight, It always seemed cheeky to me that they’d feel comfortable enough to let me know they had been staring at my body and decided that I was too skinny for them. I’ve had people who work with people like me treat me like I’m some delusional fool, I’ve had them think they were helping me when in reality they couldn’t have made things worse. I’ve had someone laugh in my face after telling them something someone has said to me about my weight or lack of as well as my flat-chest. This coming from someone whose job requires them to be sympathetic, understanding and no judgemental unfortunately it’s a trait people don’t know how to rid themselves of.

My spine was always sticking out, you could play it like a musical instrument if you had some sticks.

I guess that’s why I had spent so long in denial so determined not listen to them, telling me they were only letting me know because they were worried about me was starting to come off a lot more like that of scolding a child. It’s never a nice feeling to have everyone around you knock your character down to something small, tiny and voiceless. People started looking down on me, assuming they knew what was best, assuming I can’t handle a life of my own. People already have their thoughts on what they think I want, and they’ve never been so wrong in all their lives.

So with people making me feel as though I was on my own, that we weren’t on equal footing it made me distance myself a lot more from everyone. It made me cloak myself in the saying, “Don’t care what people think of you.” And I had, I’d really stopped caring what people have to say about me, about my life about the things they think I will or won’t accomplish in life. Or at least I thought I’d managed to stop caring.

I started to loose a lot more weight. I wasn’t necessarily that under weight when all of this started, being a small and petite female I have a really petite body frame and of course because of all that I was lighter for my age than others. But I never lost weight to the extreme of fitting into my petite 10-11 year old sisters clothing, it wasn’t to the stage that I was forever seeing every bone that my upper body owned, I had thighs, I had bum and little boobs. I wasn’t bad.

2016 was when my weight started to really drop, my boyfriend was concerned and always trying to get me to eat whenever he could. I was worrying my mother and siblings but I wasn’t paying attention to the way my health was affecting them. I’d convinced myself I was fine, and so that’s what I was, I was fine.

Reduced to nothing but fighting for something.

But I had stopped caring about what I looked like, I stopped caring about the things I wore. I stopped fitting into my clothes and settled for living in tights, leggings and my boyfriend hoodies. Sometimes I’d make an effort in what I wore but I had to borrow my 10-11 (At the time) year old sisters clothes as mine were too big and she was the only one closest to my size.

In 2017 I’d got hit with a really bad virus that had left me bed ridden for a month. I had spent days and nights throwing up whatever I could while not being able to eat anything or keep any liquids down. My family and boyfriend were really worry for me by this point but I kept telling them I was fine. I’ll get over it like I always do and get on with life as normal. Except once I had recovered from it I had taken a look at myself in the mirror and got a shock of my life.

I had found out why everyone was looking at me with worried glances, why my boyfriend wanted me to eat or drink whatever I could, why my mum (who due to her own eating disorder is very understanding with mine) was practically begging me to go to the doctors and seek out help.

I went from being skinny to being…nothing. In that month I had wasted away into nothing and to see that nothing staring at me in the mirror? it was a truly terrifying thing to experience, to realise. The week after I got myself down to the doctors and I have been in the hopes that they have been able to help. So far I have had major struggle getting help from any professionals however I have made my own steps in gaining the weight back since then.

Right now I am waiting arrangements from Talk-Liverpool and an Eating Disorder Clinic in the hopes that they can help me. I have taken my own steps in helping myself including, by keeping an eating journal and through yoga practice.

Left is when I was really underweight, the right a recent photo after doing a yoga workout

Stay tuned next week as I’ll be posting what steps I took in order to help myself once I came to terms with my eating disorder and what other eating disorders there are out there, I’m personally shocked by how many there are that I was so unaware of! I’ll also be sharing what a year of yoga has done for me and what it could do for you.

Versatile Blogger Awards

So I’ve recently just discovered what Versatile blogger nominations were when two very lovely and amazing bloggers awarded me with one. Just going into my second month of blogging this is a really big deal for me and a great boost for my self-esteem and I couldn’t thank @LaurasLife or @MuchloveKirsty enough for nominating me! (If you’d like to check out who else they nominated or just wanting to take a look at their blog just click their twitter names as I’ve linked them to their blog).

You might be wondering what exactly is the Versatile Blogger Awards as it was a question on my mad and so I did a little research myself to find out exactly what it is. And simply put; it’s a community of bloggers, celebrating other blogs/bloggers who have unique content, strong writing, beautiful images/photographs or blog content that stands out to them.

I found there are three rules to this Versatile Blogger Awards after being nominated and those are:

  1. Thank the person (or people) who has choose and nominated you.
  2. Share seven facts about yourself.
  3. And lastly, Nominate ten bloggers you feel deserve to be nominated.

So without further ado, here are seven facts about myself:

  • When I was 7-8 Years old I had two very colourful fishes that I absolutely loved but woke up one morning to one of them eaten in half by the shark fish that was in there with them… I’ve not had fishes since.
  • My mum got me into unicorns when I was five years old on a shopping trip. I came across a really pretty unicorn teddy that was bigger than I was at the time, I name her Rainbow (because she has a rainbow mane) and I’ve been asking my mum to buy me unicorn teddies ever since.
  • I have four younger siblings whom I love very dearly.
  • I’ve always had a love for photography but can never see myself doing it as a profession. I love to do it in my own times as a hobby rather than a full-time commitment. I tried making art a full-time commitment and I ended up hating it. I’ve started doing it as a hobby again and I’m slowly falling back in love with it.
  • I want to be an author someday. I’m still not too sure what category I want to fall under as I’m still figuring myself out but It’s a dream I’ve never forgotten and one I plan on seeing through.
  • I’m going to be making my own anxiety candles really soon! I’ve spent the past 6-7 months researching how to make candles, different ways I can make them and I’m really excited about them. My first batch will be based on scents & colours that help calm you’re anxious mind.
  • I’ve suffered from anxiety pretty much all my life but it started to cripple me in high school. I spent two years not leaving my house (unless it was absolutely necessary and I had my mum with me) but was lucky enough to have the support of my family and my boyfriend who helped me push past it.

And that there brings us to the end of seven facts about me and on to the ten bloggers I nominate for the Versatile Blogger Awards. Choosing bloggers for this wasn’t an easy decision as the blogging community is so large and there are so many great blogs out there! But of course there are always a few that stand out to you and there have been a few that have stood out to me.

I’ve tried to keep the categories as open as possible but I do think a lot of these fall under the categories; mental health, lifestyle and book bloggers. There were so many to choose from as I have been reading a lot of blogs recently but I’ve chosen the ten that I feel my readers would personally gravitate more towards and enjoy reading themselves also.

So here are my Nominations for The Versatile Blogger Awards:

@Thereadingnook

@Followingmylifeinwords

@PagePlacePlate

@frasersfunhouse

@FibroFighter18

@Wellbeanblog

@bblphgst

@RTTPBookBlog

@rafflesbizarreblog

@Carlybloggs

Each of these blogs has amazing content that really should be checked out! I’d again like to thank @Lauraslife and @MuchloveKirsty for nominating me and for awarding me with a Versatile Blogger Award!

If you’d like to check out any of the blogs above that I have mention then all you have to do is click their name and you’ll be directed right to their blog. Also, go check out @Wellbeanblog on eating disorder awareness. I’ve collaborated with @Wellbeanblog in sharing a little about my story, that I will soon be posting up (also I’m sorry I know you’ve been nominated four times already but I really love your blog!).

Make sure you are following my Instagram @littletinkablee and Twitter @tinkableeblog to stay tuned and up to date with the new projects I’m doing, new collaborations and two book reviews on the way!

March. Mother’s Month

My beautiful mam holding her first daughter 💞

So this isn’t going to be like my other’s posts but it’s just as important as my other posts and since March is the month of mother’s day I felt it fit in perfectly.

So I was originally going to post about my eating disorder today as it’s eating disorder awareness week but instead, I got stuck with a different thought, a different post that I feel should be out on blog before I dive into my story. However I had collaborated with https://wellbeanblog.com/  in sharing a little about my story, so if you would like to check that out, just click here.

So the new topic I want to talk about today is Mothers. Everyone has one, whether you have a good relationship with them or not, whether you are a fortune to have yours still around or not, we all have or had a mother.

There’s is no one in the world I love more than my mother, the woman who has carried me in her belly for nine months, cared for me, fed me, bathed and clothed me. She’s always been my best friend whenever I needed one, my shoulder to cry one, my ear to talk to and is forever my protector.

There is nothing like a mother’s love, a mother’s care or a mother’s comforting words after a hard day. They’ve given up time, people and dreams to take care of a little creature that can’t yet understand that it’s alive.

And yet they are still so badly overlooked and taken for granted. We never take into account the emotional roller coaster we are forever keeping them on, or the constant worrying they do for our well being and safety no matter what age we are. A mothers love knows no bounds.

Now I’m not a mother myself and so I couldn’t tell what it feels like to have someone else’s little world on your shoulders, a little being that relied on you to be all knowing and indestructible and loving. I couldn’t tell you what it felt like to spend my days/nights constantly wondering if I was a good mother or not or wondering if I was making the right decision for someone else’s life. I’d say I’m personally pretty relieved not to have that hardship and emotional toll weighing on my shoulders.

As children, we never notice the pain and struggles our mothers go through and as adults, we slowly start to notice, we start to experience life and start to understand some of the things we couldn’t when younger.

I couldn’t thank my mother enough for the things she has done and the things she has gone through, I couldn’t thank her enough for loving me and my siblings with all her heart while at times hers was breaking.

We always say and do things in moments of anger that we often regret. But no one receives the worst end of that anger at times than our mothers, the women who are constantly our support system, ear to talk to, the person we find ourselves always going back to in moments of need or desperation. The one person we know we can go to no matter what we’ve done or what we’ve said. I think that is maybe why we take our anger out a little harsher on them than we would with anyone else because we’re aware that other people would leave and never come back but a mother? She’ll take the hurt, the pain, the horrible words and still give you that very much needed hug after a really bad day as though things had never been said. The love really does know no bounds.

Instead of celebrating your mother for Mother’s Day, Why not celebrate her for mother’s Month? I honestly don’t feel as though dedicating one day out of the WHOLE year is enough of thanks to the women who have carried us in their bellies and given us the lives we have now, giving us the opportunity to do and be whoever we want to be.

I think March is a great month to celebrate your mothers as it’s springtime on the 20th, a time where all the animals start to give birth to their little ones and all the flowers and colours are making a show. The whole month is about life and growth!

You don’t have to do or buy her anything big or expensive, buy her, her favourite chocolate, some flowers, a nice cushion, tell her you love her, write her a poem, go and visit her! See if there are any chores, any shopping, any cleaning that needs to be done. Mothers notice the little things and love them those most because it’s usually the little things that get in the from them being able to have “me time” or the little things that they are looking out for. Take her out make a point of dedicating a day for just you and her to do something she likes.

So guys go treat your mother’s this month and show them the love they deserve because you won’t get another mother. I’d love to know you’re thoughts on turning March into a month of celebration for mothers everywhere and don’t forget to like and share with your friends.

Writer’s Block

Being a writer isn’t easy and it’s made worse when you get hit by the much dreaded ‘writer’s block.’ An invisible blockage that stops the flow of words and ideas from reaching the writer.

Being an aspiring author myself and becoming a new blogger, I have found that writer’s block can and will hit you more than once. Receiving writer’s block is no fun task, nor is it something I would wish upon any writer/author. Sometimes my writer’s block can last for days, weeks, months and even years! Occasionally the creative flow you had can suddenly disappear without a word, one second you are on fire writing left, right and centre and then the next you’re wallowing in self-pity not understanding why the words are no longer coming to you like flowing water as they once had.

Writer’s block is simply this: A psychological inhibition that prevents creative writer’s from continuing with their work, writer’s block is a problem that obstructs the writer’s ability to tap into that part of their brain that comes up with the ideas/words. Writer’s block can prevent anyone from finishing their novel, poem, deadlines, post etc.

Anyone who has experienced writer’s block will know, fretting too much or trying to force original ideas can cause you a great deal of creative constipation. If you are experiencing anything like this/ or this is your first-time experiencing writer’s block then please don’t be alarm and don’t give up, you can get that creative energy flowing again, you just have to be patient!

I wrote a list below of all the things (you can try) that I do to help bring back my creative flow:

(1). Read a book. Now there is no denying that once I have read a good book or five… I am hit with a tidal force of inspiration and ideas! Filling your head with other people’s words, other people’s worlds can really help to inspire you’re own. After a good book, I can find myself writing for weeks afterwards!

(2). Eliminate all distractions. This one is easier said than done, personally, I get easily distracted and usually by my own thoughts and crazy ideas. To bring me back into “writer’s mode” I like to lock myself in a room with nothing – harder to do when you have three clingy cats that follow you everywhere- but a cup of hot cholate/tea/ coffee (I’m a little obsessed with all hot beverages), some food, chocolate and no internet. Just me and my words.

(3). Go for a walk. This is one of my three favourite things I like to do to help get out of writer’s block. There is nothing like walking along a park or through a wooded area feeling the breeze on your face and the little sunbeams warming your skin. Hearing the birds tweet to one another as you watch nature play its role as you take your peaceful stroll. I try to go for a nature walk at least once-twice a day.

(4). Change your environment. Sometimes a change of scenery is all that’s needed! Being cooped up in the same place day in and day out writing and researching doesn’t do anyone any good. Try taking your work to the park, a quiet little coffee shop and do you’re writing there! I have a little cafe fifteen minutes from where I live but I also really enjoy going to the Cat Cafe Liverpool early hours in the morning when my writing is at its peak and my mind is still in a creative haze. Once you’ve gotten over the overload cuteness of cats/kittens bringing your writing to life is almost like magic when doing it there. (Click the link if you’d like to know more about Cat Cafe Liverpool).

(5). Freestyle Write. Every day set a timer for 15-20 minutes and spend that time writing freely with no limitations. This will help stretch your brain muscle giving you the ability to be and allow yourself to be more creative with your writing in turn pushing aside your writer’s block!

(6). Read some inspiring quotes. This is my second favourite thing to do daily whenever I find myself hit hard with writer’s block. The internet is full of so many inspiring and motivational quotes, go out there and read them! I know people tend to overuse quotes but for the art of creativity, this one can be important as artists are forever looking for inspiration and supportive messages. (Click here to be directed to my post about book quotes! This will help get you started and hopefully, help in giving you the motivation to go out there and find quotes that speak to you.)

(7). Do something to get your blood flowing. A great way to prevent or get out of writer’s block is to keep the blood in your body flowing. To do this I like to do Yoga, if you are new to yoga then I’d suggest starting out doing Hatha Yoga (click here to learn about yoga and all the different optional practices open to you). Pilates and light workouts routines.

(8). Drink plenty of water and make sure you are spending time around those you love. Keeping yourself hydrated while surrounding yourself with good energy is another great way to get yourself out of writer’s block. People have a funny way of sparking that creative wick in your brain. Go see some friends, meet up with an old one? Go talk to a stranger walking their dog, I’ve come across a lot of lovely chatty dog walkers. I personally like to be around my family as pretty much most of them are really creative in their own way & I always have a sense of calm and belonging when around them. And my boyfriend, my right hand, my soulmate, a feeling so great I fear my heart may burst at times. The funny thing about being on this earth is that there are other people too 🙂 go out and mingle a little, push yourself out of your comfort zone!

(9). Listen to music. Take some time out of your day to listen to some music, whether you are listening to your favourites, old throwbacks you used to listen to or listening to something new, music is the age-old answer to any creative blockage.

(10). And lastly, go out and do something different. Teach yourself a new skill (I’ve started baking at least once a week with my little siblings), try out a new hobby go skydiving! Writer’s block is partly there because of the same old routine, sometimes you just have to spice things up a bit. Go out and try something new, something else creative and have fun doing it knowing that you may just climb out of your writer’s block after all!

We made blue cupcakes last week (I’ll link the post once it’s up!)

I hope this has helped you out of your writer’s block or at the very least I hope my post has given you a few ideas on how to climb your way out of writer’s block!

If you have any suggests that I’ve not mentioned drop them below in the comments, have a wonderful week!

20 Quotes to motivate you to read/write!

There’s nothing I love than a good quote to help get the motivation going or the feelings expressed. I thought I’d create just a fun little post showing all my favourite quotes (these ones aren’t written by me, perhaps one day I’ll share mine. For now, I’ll share the brilliance of others.

Quotes that’ll motivate you to read/write:

(1). “Read a thousand books, and your words will flow like a river.” ~ Lisa See. This quote I keep writing on a piece of paper that keep tucked away in my most used notebook. Being a writing and an aspiring author, I feel as though this is encouraging you to read it’s also inspiring you to write. The more you read, the more you’ll write!

(2). “The first draft is just you telling yourself the story.” ~ Terry Partchett. Again, another quote I love that inspires writers to keep on writing and it’s something I can relate to so much.

(3). “You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.”~ Jodie Picoult. How truer could words be? A blank page does no one any good, fill it words even at first it seems messy, you can edit and fix it later.

(4). “You don’t start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap & thinking its good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. That’s why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence.” ~Octavia E. Butler. This quote is as good as it is long and something that I keep beside my laptop when researching/ writing a blog post. This one keeps me blogging, reminding me I will get better at it if I keep at it.

(5). “Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” This one I like because it inspires outer activity other than sitting there getting writer’s block (something I’ve been getting a bit of lately).

(6). “A room without Books is like a body without a soul.” ~ Marcus Tuilius Cicero. I must agree with Marcus here, you can’t have a happy looking room without some books.

(7). “She reads books like one would breathe air, to fill up and live.” ~ Annie Dillard. Oh, how I love to read this quote!

(8). “I like cups of tea and reading books and poetry and old people things.” ~ Bindi Irwin. Don’t we all?

(9). “Some books you read. Some books you enjoy. But some books just swallow you up heart and soul.” ~ Joanne Harris. I’ve come across my fair share of books like these and they forever hold a special place in my heart.

(10). “The world was her’s for the reading.” ~ Betty Smith. This hands down have to be the best one for me so far. It’s simple yet empowering!

(11). “Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.” ~ Frederick Douglass. I think everyone should go out of their way to read a book at least once a week. Even if you only read one chapter, through the entire week. Because it really can be freeing.

(12). “Keep reading. It’s one of the most marvellous adventures that anyone can have.” ~ Lloyd Alexander. So true!

(13). “A book is a gift you can open again and again.” ~ Garrison Keillor. I’ve often thought this myself, so if anyone is ever struggling on gifts to buy me…HINT HINT!

(14). “If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.” ~ Haruki Murakami.

(15). “I don’t believe in the kind of magic in my books. But I do believe something very magical can happen when you read a good book.” ~ J. K Rowling.

(16). “Reading is a means of thinking with another person’s mind: it forces you to stretch your own.” ~ Charles Scribner .Jr .

(17). “I was born with a reading list I will never finish.” ~ Maud Casey. This speaks to me on a deeper level.

(18). “Good books don’t give up all their secrets at once.” ~ Stephen King.

(19). “The journey of a lifetime starts with the turning of a page.”

(20). “That’s the thing about books. They let you travel without moving your feet.” ~ Jhumpa Lahirl.

I hope you have enjoyed reading through these quotes, and please comment on your favourite down below. I would love to read through them.

Our first Valentines together.

14th February… Valentines Day, the one day where couples either get extra romantic or spend the entire day angry/ disappointed with their significant other.

When you are in a relationship for a long period of time the romance can sometimes…dwindle.
What was once an exciting occasion becomes something dreaded or too often repeated, you either spend too much time worrying about what to do for the day or what to buy and not enough time actually enjoying each other.

I personally have never seen the big deal with Valentines. It’s nice to get a card, a gift, chocolate, flowers but to only receive that kind of treatment once a year? It seems kind of silly. I think it takes away that special feeling in your chest you get when your significant other buys you something just because they wanted too, or saw it and thought of you or knew a box of chocolate or some flowers would put a smile on your face.

One of My Favourite Cards 

So in order to take a step back from unrealistic expectations and the gruelling task of trying to keep those expectations and I wanted to share mine and Dan’s first Valentines together.

Thursday 14th February 2013, I had spent the whole morning getting ready and preparing myself for seeing my boyfriend. I had picked out my outfit for the day, had done my makeup, my hair and made sure all his Valentines gifts and card was where I wanted them.

It wasn’t long before I heard a small yet firm knock on my front door, I let my mum answer it as I double check myself in the mirror before retrieving his gifts and making my way downstairs to greet my boyfriend.

We spent a little time in mine, opening gifts and cards, thanking each other and then relaxing with my family for a little while before we headed out. Now this was our first Valentines day, the relationship aspect as well as the relationship itself was a whole new concept to me and so we didn’t have anything big planned or anything planned alone.

(I ate the chocolates)

We had planned to have an unofficial couple date. Now as I said my relationship was VERY new at the time and it was at the stage where I was forcing my best friend to third-wheel (or fourth-wheel when she brought her boyfriend?) as much as possible. And so when Valentines was creeping around the corner we had planned to tell our boyfriends that we wanted to go to her boyfriend’s house and have a kind of double date.

Once we got there we all instantly started drinking and talking. It was so relaxing and just what I needed to help get rid of my nerves. We spent the rest of the day drinking and talking to our friends about the future, the past and everything in between.

Everything was going well, we were laughing, joking, talking and at times singing along to the music we had on, it was great. Until we ran out of drinks… We had gotten down to our last cans, we were all still feeling the good vibes/buzz that we’d (and the drink) brought out in each other when we then all started to get really hungry but there wasn’t really anything in eat.

It was 12am at night, we were all drunk off alcohol and each other’s company, I was sat on the couch cuddling with Dan when my friend suggested we go to the shops for more drinks and food and we were lucky enough to be a 20-minute walking distance from a 24-hour Tesco.

With drinks in our belly’s and food on our mind, me and Dan held hands as we made our way out and started on our adventure to the shop. We all probably looked like wobbling, idiots but we were wobbly idiots happy and in love.

I honestly couldn’t tell you how long it actually took us all to make it safely to the shops but I do remember me and my friends laughing and joking about how good life was when we were young enough to play on those little children-toy-rides that some shopping centres/ big shopping areas have. That then prompted our boyfriends to try and fit themselves into one of those said children-toy-rides. (If you know what they are called, please do put it down in the comments for me!).

The only Picture I have from that night (Mine is the one with too much hair on his head, on the left 😛 )

We stood there for a good ten minutes laughing at them and taking pictures (the only pictures we took of that night) before finally making our way into the shop. I can’t say how long we were in the shop either but I do believe we were in there longer than we planned and I hang my head every time I think about any of the late night staff hearing/ bearing witness to our drunken states. I don’t really remember what we bought other than a big bag of curly fries (I picked those). After another wobbly walk back to our friend’s house we instantly started cooking and then talking.

I remember the night just being so relaxing, no pressure, no expectations, no stress. It was all good fun that left us all with some good memories in the end. It wasn’t long after having our food that we all decided to call it a night.

Me and Dan we were to sleep on a long but narrow couch and although there was no room on it and the room itself was cold, being cuddled next to Dan I couldn’t help but think the night was still perfect and there wasn’t one thing I wanted to change.

I woke up the next morning, incredibly hungover but I honestly couldn’t have been happier as I left my friend’s house hand in hand with my boyfriend.

I guess what I want everyone to take from this is that Valentines isn’t a big deal, love isn’t a big massive gesture you need to show the world or brag about. Sure now and again it’s nice, but how nice is it really when you have spent so much time stressing? Sometimes even arguing?

If you love your partner don’t wait till one stressful day to show the length of your love, its all about the little daily gestures. The forehead kisses when you get home, the goodnight’s before going to bed, the I love you’s at random moments or before leaving, the little messages you send one another, handing hold and well I’m sure you’re all getting my point by now, don’t stress over one day. Enjoy your whole lives together and treasure the moments, good and bad.

How Tilly Became Kitt-Katt

If you know me, then you more than likely know I own 3 cats, one of which I have had for six years now. I got him sometime in September 2013 and I’ve honestly never been so connected to an animal before.

I hadn’t gone out and bought Kitt nor had I gone to the rescue shelter to get him either. I had actually stumbled upon him free, off one of my sister’s friends parents. It had all happened by chance. A ‘Meant to be’ moment.

My mum had come home from picking the kids up from school and I overheard her and my sister talking about something that sparked my interest and so I started to listen in a little more to their conversation. What I was hearing was that one of my sister’s friends mum had asked her to ask our mum if she wanted her kitten. She had had a young boy running around the house at the time and he kept putting him in the washing machine and playing far too rough with the kitten and was looking to re-home her.

My mum was originally saying no to it when I ask if I could have it instead. (Now I should also mention that before this kitten I had originally already had a female kitten that I had to give up in order for my little sister to keep her kitten at the time. We had just gotten two kittens and then moved house a month or two after getting them and was told we were only allowed one pet). So with that in mind, I did play on that factor a little as well as pointing out that I was good to pay for it and had shown from my other kitten how willing I was to look after one. After a night of talking about it, my mum agreed to talk to the woman the following day about the kitten.

A week later my mum walked through the door with a little kitten bundled up in a paw printed blanket in her arms. She told me she was five months old and her name was Tilly. I didn’t want to confuse her any more than she probably already was and so although I didn’t like the name I made the decision to keep her name as Tilly so she at least had something familiar. As soon as my eyes laid eyes on her I knew she was meant to be my cat. She had such pretty, wide and fearful eyes it just made me want to wrap her up and never let the poor thing go.

For a week she pretty much stayed in the “spare” room under the table chairs in a corner. She’d let me pet her, give her a fuss, groom her, feed her but she wouldn’t let anyone else get close to her. For a little while, she was so skittish, she would attack people when scared, which at that point was pretty much all the time. And she was a little too skinny to be healthy, my guess was that she was just too scared/anxious/stressed to really eat anything at the time and only nibbled to just get by. But she had no problem eating food once I placed it under the table with her, for a few weeks I would feed her an extra pouch a day in the hopes of getting her to a healthier weight.

We slowly introduced her to my sister’s cat, Sox, who must have been one of the most chilled out cats I have ever come across even to this day and I have met A LOT of cats. But for some reason, the two never got along. We thought our biggest problem would be getting them to stop “mating” until we got Tilly spayed. But that was never once an issue, instead, we were constantly telling them off for fighting with one another.

Sox and Kitt-Katt (Not Coexisting)

Around 5-6 months go by and I’m in my room getting ready to see my boyfriend when I turned around to see Tilly cleaning her private area…except I noticed something pink and instantly thought something was wrong with her and so I got a closer look only to get one heck of a shock! It was a little winky!

I instantly ran downstairs to tell my mum, at first she didn’t believe a word I said but came up to see anyway because she figures I wouldn’t react over nothing, as soon as she checked her…him? She turned to me and said, “I think you’re right.”

The problem was he was so small and had such long fur, we couldn’t really tell and so we picked up my sister’s cat placed them side by side looking at their behinds to see if they both had balls and they did, my Tilly wasn’t a she but a he! I felt so bad and so shocked but the first things out of my mouth were, “I’m changing his name!”

I couldn’t come up with a name right away and was bouncing between a few when one night I was sat talking to my mum while she was eating a kit-Kat bar and she made a joke about my love for chocolate and said that I loved chocolate so much I should just name him Kit-kat.

Something there and then just clicked in my head. It sounded right and I really, really liked the sound of Kit and so I decided to give him a double-barrelled name, Kitt-Katt. It took him less than a week to respond to his new name and honestly I feel like he response more to Kitt than he ever did to Tilly.

Six years later he still responds to his new name, he’s become a dad to 3 kittens and He learnt to coexist with another male cat in the house and spends his time either sleeping outside or sleeping next to me while I read a book or he’s playing with his kittens. I hope you have enjoyed this read and please don’t forget to Like, share and comment!

Glad to be out of January? You are not alone!

I won’t lie, I got a rough start to the new year and I’ve pretty much sworn off drinking forever and coming from someone who probably drinks 3 times throughout the entire year… that pretty much means never ever again. Although I have been known to change my mind at times.

Although I wouldn’t really say that January was a total loss. I had two really great weeks where the mood was positive and the energy high. My workouts were going amazing and yoga has become my home therapy.

But more than the good vibes that were going around during those two weeks I had also accomplished a few personal goals of mine that have made me rather proud of myself.

But for me, two good weeks do not make up for the beginning of the year and the rest of the month being so terribly… chaotic. And with that being said I am so glad to finally have seen the light of February!

Personally, for me, February is one of three of my toughest months to get through and I usually find myself spending most of my time dreading the moment February comes around the corner but after last year I have made it my personal mission to change all the routinely bad things that go wrong in my life and find a way to make it positive.

This February I have decided to change what it means to me, I have decided to not let the bad things overrule a month that could hold a lot of potential for new opportunities that I usually miss out on due to self-pity and wallowing over things that can’t be changed.

                    A week or two before I was due to release my blog!

The first step to adding something positive into February was to finish setting my blog up and then releasing it out into the world. I originally planned on doing this a year ago but sometimes life has a funny way of ruining your plans and so I had to hold it off for a year.


The second thing was to start my yoga back up. Ever since things started going bad in January I strayed away from yoga, but now I’ve committed myself to doing “yoga therapy” at least once a day. I have to say that it has really helped a lot, it has helped me to take a step back and centre myself. Not to mention the physical benefits of it. I’ve created muscle I never knew I had, become more flexible than I thought possible and my back pain & leg pains that I’ve suffered with since I was really young is almost none existent!

The third thing I’ve done to help add a little positivity into my February happened by chance. I received a message from my mam telling me that my favourite stall had come back to the shopping centre but she wasn’t sure if the man doing it was still selling the incense sticks that I got really obsessed with three years ago. Also, Iceland started selling unicorn nuggets… so of course I bought some! Since my younger sister shares my love the mythical creatures we both ate the unicorns together (after taking pictures).

The same day I went to that shopping centre to have a little look and instantly spotted my favourite incense sticks, without hesitation I pick them up ready to purchase them but then stopped in my tracks. I wanted to get myself another one but with a different scent to it and so I stood there for another ten-to-fifteen minutes smelling and trying to decide which one I was going to pick next. I ended up deciding on ‘Mermaid Love’ which instantly reminded me of those small colourful sweets, FIZZERS and couldn’t resist buying them along with my ‘Unicorn Grace.’

Number four was when I bought a new notebook along with a new journal for myself. I can’t speak for everyone but I am simply obsessed with notebooks! I’ve loved writing ever since I was a little girl and I can never have too many places to jot down my thoughts, ideas, feelings, novels plans / (attempts) and so much more, there really isn’t anything I don’t or haven’t written about. If I love it, if it interests me or my family/friends/readers then I’m writing about!

The fifth to help me on my journey to a better February was to engage with more people, to put myself out there a little more and connect with other bloggers/authors. It’s really amazing what talking to other people can do to help the creativity to flow through you. 

Doing this was so incredibly hard for me, due to me extreme and sever anxiety and you are probably wondering how someone like me was able to do such thing. Well it’s pretty simple, I turned to social media, I created accounts for my blog and reached out to other like –minded people who then introduced me to other lovely people with different opinions, goals and hobbies. Some of the social sites I  used to achieve this is- INSTAGRAM \ TWITTER \ PINTEREST

We are almost half way through February and I plan to continue this journey of better days and better months. I feel the more you try to implement positivity into your life the more you start to notice all the positive things in life that you tend to miss during the bad moments.

I have also decided to buy myself a notebook, one I will use to dedicate to all the positive changes I want to make this year, as well as the goals I want to achieve.
I’ve also started writing novels again and I’m currently working on one that I have plans to publish once finished (I’m super duper excited for that). I want to get back into my photography and I’ve started the reading challenge on GoodReads that I’m really excited about. I’ve been a little out of touch with my reading & this has already motivated me to get back into. On top of that, I plan on taking more nature walks with my partner & enjoying all the little moment life has to offer. My notebook collection is only going to go up and I’m determined to stick to my new healthy lifestyle.

Baking, Candle making and therapy yoga is something I am going to be doing with my younger sisters and posting about our progress! I’m also going to be attempting a lot of fun DIY things with my younger brother and I’ll be posting our progress/results on that too. For the first time in a long time, it seems February has something to offer other than pain and bad memories.

I hope this has inspired some of you to go out there and make your month a better month or at least helped some with ideas on how to add some positive things/ changes into your life. My main advice for adding positive changes into your life is to do what makes you happy, what makes your heart feel light and what puts a smile on your face.

Thank you all so much for taking time out of your day/night to give this post a read and I’d appreciate it so much if you could give this post a like or share. If you have any advice of your own you’d like to share, please feel free comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

 

Why getting a pet could be the best decision you made for your Mental Health

At some point or another we all get depressed and fall into some dark hole in the hopes of it swallowing us whole. And I would say that the large majority of us suffer from some kind of mental health illness that we try to keep to ourselves out of fear of being ridiculed in some way.

Like a lot of you, I too suffer from mental health issues that at times had and still does cripple me to the point of being an nonfunctional human being with no passion or motivation for anything.

But a lot of that changed the day I got a cat (pictured down below). In September 2013 I – with the consent from my mam – introduced Kitt-Katt to the family. Since that moment we have had a crazy/strange but close relationship between owner and pet.

And by crazy/strange I mean I don’t really feel like Kitt is my pet but more like…A spirit animal. Spirit guide, maybe? He seems unusually in tuned to my emotions to the point where at times he mimicked them or displays the same kind of emotion or vibe that I am displaying that day.

He helps me through my bad days just by coming up to me when I am upset and I don’t want to be around everyone. He always has a knowing look to him in those moments and gets extra affectionate.

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Me and Kitt

He helps me to get out of bed in the mornings when I don’t have the will to get up and do anything. One look at his face with his big green eyes and hearing his little demanding meow for breakfast and I’m up, in the kitchen and feeding him.

Since getting Kitt-Katt six years ago I have added two more additions to my furry family (pictured down below) and now I have three little demanding meows to get me out of bed in the mornings.

There’s something about knowing that you have a tiny little creature walking around your house helping you when your emotions take flight, rely solo on you to keep them alive, happy and healthy that, helps keep me grounded. It reminds me that even on the days where I feel unwanted, where I feel not needed and worthless that there is a creature that needs me.

And it’s always good to feel like you aren’t alone, even on those days/nights where you are. They are a constant company that I personally find relaxing. Not to mention they make for a great reading buddy!

But as relaxing, calming and soothing as they can be, they can be just as much of a distraction from the terrible thoughts running through your head or distract you from the crap that is going on right at that moment.

Sometimes I would just lock my self outside or in a room with Kitt-Katt and play with him for hours on end. His favourite toy is a feather tied to the end of a fishing line that was attached to a plastic red handle (I think they are £4.99 in B&M but please don’t quote me on that).

Of course, I’m not saying you should just go out there and get yourself a cat, but what I am saying is that if you find yourself in the position where you can get yourself an animal then I totally recommend you do! Be that cat, dog, fish, parrot, bunny, hamster and so on…

It isn’t about the animal it’s self but rather the connection you and your pet share together. It’s that bond and weird understanding between owner & pet, between animal best friend and human best friend.

There are so many positives to getting an animal to brighten up your home and life. But before I thank you all for taking the time to read this post I want to leave you all with one thing.

When looking into getting yourself an animal, a pet, a new family member for your home and furry friend, I do implore that you look into getting yourself a rescue pet from the RSPCA.

There are so many loving animals that have been placed in there because their owner could no longer keep them or no longer wanted them. There are so many out there who have been abused, dumped and abandoned, who have not been shown the love that the deserve, that you could give to one of them. There’s virtually nothing wrong with them other than the scars left on them by someone else. The love is still the same from them, if not more extraordinary for an animal who has experience nothing but pain and heartache.

The RSPCA is very good at caring for the animals but they can only do so for so long. They train to the best of their abilities and even handle all their medical care. They need loving, caring people like yourself to take them & show them what love is. The love they can give back is so rewarding!

In my experience, they have been the best “emotional support pets” a girl could ever wish for. Of course, that isn’t to say people who go out and buy their pets are bad people, there isn’t any shame in wanting something. But in a case like this or for a second pet, a surprise present for someone (although I personally don’t like to refer to pets as “presents” it feels almost too…impersonal to talk about an animal in that way?) I really would implore you into looking at getting a rescue animal.

To find your local RSPCA Centre near you, CLICK HERE.

If you enjoyed reading this then please like, share and comment you’re thoughts! I would love to read what some of you think on the subject. Or if you have any tips, advice or even some constructive criticism, thank you all for reading!