Today is March 8th, International Women’s Day. Today is the first day since entering this new decade that we get to celebrate International Women’s Day!
What is International Women’s Day, you ask?
International Women’s Day is a Day devoted to the movement for women’s rights.
Commemoration of international women’s day today ranges from being a public holiday in some countries to being a to being largely ignored elsewhere. In some places, it is a day of protest; in others, it is a day that celebrates womanhood.
in 1910, German delegates Clara Zetkin, Kate Dunker and others proposed at the International Socialist Women’s conference that a “special women Day” be organized annually.
In 1917, after women gained suffrage in Soviet Russia, March 8th became a national holiday there and after that? The day was then predominantly celebrated by socialist movement and communist countries until it was then adopted by the feminist movement in about 1976.
The united Nation began celebrating international women day in the international women’s year, 1975. In 1977, the untied Nation General Assembly invited member states to proclaim March 8th as the UN (United Nations) day for women’s right and world peace
Have you ever wished to live in a world where people showed more compassion for one another? A world where we see the strong struggling, the weak, the fragile, scared…the slightly broken and instead of labelling them, instead of mocking them, instead of having a part in their self hatred by making them feel less important or useless…everyone instead, helped them. Made them feel good, worthy and important.
What if we lived in a world where all we did was help one another? Were we don’t let our jealously and insecurities take over in the form of a spiteful comment or hate stare. One where instead we were simply…kind to each other.
Nation Random acts of kindness day is a day dedicated to those believers, to those dreamers who dream of a kinder world or kinder people in a world that can, at times, be cruel to those who inhabit it.
Celebrated on 17th February every year, National ‘Random acts of kindness Day’ has grown in mass popularity every passing year.
Random acts of kindness day is celebrated nationwide by groups, organisations and individuals. This is done in the hopes of encouraging other people to do these random acts of kindness.
This day is a day Favorited by many – myself included – as people everywhere are enjoying doing these little random acts of kindness.
Reasons you should get involved.
So, you might be sat there thinking to yourself, why should you care about today? Why should you take part in Random Acts Of Kindness Day? Well, I decided to take it upon myself to create a little list, listing all the reasons why I believe EVERYONE should get take part.
I could argue all day and make a 10-hour bullet-point presentation on why I believe everyone should not only take part into today but always carry this day with you through rest of this decade by giving out random act of kindness every day or week or month.
More than anything…you just have to be a nice person wanting and willing to do nice things. That’s what Random Act of Kindness Day is, it’s to remind you to be kind and show kindness! Those are who you’ll find celebrating and taking part in Random Act of Kindness Day.
But don’t just hold your random acts of kindness for only one day, do this every day, once a week, once a month! It doesn’t matter, just try to fit some acts of kindness into your life, and you never know, maybe someone will randomly repay you the favour through one of their random acts of kindness.
I’m not quite sure how, but I made it to a year of blogging!
Today marks my one year Blogiversary and I couldn’t be more proud of myself for sticking with it and making it to my first year of blogging.
My blog wouldn’t be a year old today if it wasn’t for my readers, supporters and followers. Starting a blog hasn’t been easy, and there were moments where I wanted to give in and delete my blog but with the encouragement and support from friends, family, my readers/followers and other amazing bloggers I toughed it out and stuck with it.
And it feels so incredible to be able to say that my blog is now a year old!
Despite the bad start to the year I did manage to find a few good moments through all the bad and even got out a bit to take a few photos. I’ve taken a LOT of photos of the moon already this year as well as of my cats that you can find over on my facebook pages:
Tinkablee Animal Kingdom
I have a lot planned this year and for the following ones a head so I am going to be slightly distance from social media for a little bit however I’ll still be engaging and my messages are still open to those who need it.
I couldn’t thank you all enough for sticking with me and reading through my posts and I hope that you enjoy or find help through my future posts.
Last week I didn’t post anything and that was/is partly due to trying to get through a ton of books in my TBR pile, making notes and then writing out the reviews. On top of my studies of my online courses…
The other reason for my absent is due to planning for Blogtober. It’s also part of the reason for not posting any book reviews yet (I’m saving them for October so I don’t struggle too much through the challenge).
What is Blogtober you ask?
Well, quiet simply ‘Blogtober’ is a challenge brought to blogger all over the world to create content EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. of the month in – you guessed, October!
That does including posting content on weekends and holidays too…
As far as I know there doesn’t seem to be any rules to this challenge, You don’t have to blog simply about Autumn/October themed posts, the only requirement is that we simply create content every single day of the week, in October.
The purpose of ‘Blogtober’ is to push bloggers to be as creative as we can, to push that creative spark in us. Whether you are full time, part time or occasional blogger, doing a challenge as demanding as ‘Blogtober’ can allow your viewers to get to know the person behind the blog better.
Because this challenge asks for content EVERY single day I have decided to jump ahead and get started on some content to make the challenge a little smoother for me as I know how terrible I am at procrastinating.
Are you attempting ‘Blogtober’ too? I’d love to know down in the comments!
I have a few blog posts coming up this week to do with ‘Blogtober’ and tomorrow for Suicide Prevention Day. I know this post is a little short and I want thank you all for sticking with me!
Have you been/overcome/are still getting bullied? Would like to share your story to help inspire others? Then please feel free to get in touch with me! I can link the story back to you or we can keep things completely anonymous, it’s completely up to you!
Also I had won a little giveaway and received an amazing book by Marion Grace Woolley author of ‘The Children of Lir’ ( another review I can’t wait to share with you all).
Thank you for reading and I hope you all have a fantastic week!
Taking a step back from blogging can be hard, it can be even harder to determine when you are meant to take that little break from blogging. But it can also be even harder to determine when to come back.
A couple of weeks ago, I did just that. I took my first break from blogging since I started it this year in February.
At first it killed me (maybe a little bit dramatic) but It did make me feel like a failure, like I wasn’t ready to deal with anything. Not even something that I wanted to do.
But the feelings didn’t last and the longer I took from blogging, the more I saw myself and my mental health improve. – you can read more about it here in my post called: Taking that un-guilty break from blogging.
Deciding to take that break wasn’t easy, I ran through a lot of emotions, put my loved ones through a lot of emotions too as well but I won’t take any of it back as I noticed and started believing in the benefits of taking a little break away from things.
But when deciding to take a break, how do we know its the right time to come back out of hiding and crawl back out from that rock we hide ourselves in while hiding from our own stress and responsibilities. How do you know when you are ready to see that light of day again?
In the end I decided that a week away is what I needed, that a week would help me…and it did. But how did I come to the conclusion that a week is exactly what I needed, how did I know that after a week I’d be ready to take on the world again?
Well the truth is, I didn’t know. In my head, a week seemed like a reasonable enough time to get my head back on my shoulders. A week seemed like a good amount of time to take off and forget there’s even a world around me.
Before taking the break I had decided already that if I were to go through with it, I’d only be able to keep myself away for a week. And I was right. The entire time I was a way I was itching to write something, to DO something but forced myself away.
Then I found myself back into my old routine of self loathing for a little while as I had nothing to pour my bad energy into, at first I even kept myself away from books knowing I’d end up picking one of the ones that needed reviewing and probably end up reviewing it! I had to set myself boundaries and rules and distract my brain with other things to occupy my time.
But by Sunday morning I knew I was ready to go back to blogging on Monday. My heart and my head felt lighter, my body was more relaxed and there was a little peacefulness inside of me for a little bit.
However it wasn’t only the feelings I had that made me believe it was time to come back out of “hiding”.
I had 2 signs show me that I was ready:
Was the feelings I felt. The lightness in my heart, it made me feel as though I was ready to take on the pain of others, to help good people through bad times. I was ready to start chasing my dreams again, not keep fighting and not give up. I truly did feel as though I could take on the world with a genuine smile plastered to my face.
The second came in the form of body weight. For the first time in I don’t even know how long to be honest, I am almost 7 stone! In the week I had taken for myself, I had put on weight without realising it which is a sign that my body is starting to realise when it’s hungry again, starting to unconsciously give me hunger signs back without me even realising it until I weighed myself.
Through this I realised that the break way did me a massive deal of good, but not once did I loose that passion to blog, to write, to help, to keep chasing my dreams.
It showed me that even when doing something we love, something we enjoy, we still need to remember to take a break away from it. Otherwise you’ll find yourself hating the very thing you used to love.
When I realised that just how light I felt, that’s when I knew it was time to come back. That I was ready to face whatever, and ready to keep fighting for the future I want, for the dreams I want to achieve.
And I know I’m not the only one capable of such things! Connecting with so many amazing bloggers/creators/business people/authors and following their journey helps in reminding me that everyone falls off the horse at some point, falling off doesn’t matter, what does is getting back on.
I want to thank you all for taking the time to read my post and I hope you are all having a wonderful week so far! And never forget that if ever you feel the need to talk to someone, my messages are always open to you. I will listen, I won’t judge you, and I can assure you that everything that is discussed between us will be discussed under confidentiality, not a single thing will be shared UNLESS I feel you are harm to yourself or others (but we know most cases that isn’t the case, but I do feel as though it’s something I should state).
I was sent a beautifully covered book by the lovely author Emily Priest to read and review for free. I would like to state before starting my book review, like all my reviews (books or otherwise) I give my full honest opinion and would never suggest something to my readers/viewer that I didn’t fully enjoy myself.
With that being said, free products or books will not change my opinion, good or bad.
About Emily Priest
Emily was born in Southampton in 1997 but moved to Portsmouth in 2016 to study creative and media writing at Portsmouth University.
There she refined her writing and developed as a professional -building and extensive portfolio of creativity, journalism, radio and marketing. Emily was also awarded a ‘young journalist’ award in 2017 from unity 101 and then went on to publish her work in 2018 in several publications
Emily Priest’s first compilation, Nicotine and Napalm, is a raw and unflinching exploration of love and loss. This collection of prose and poetry is one woman’s account of growing up in the modern world and her own discovery of sexuality, strength and weakness.
I’ll start off by saying that this wonderful creation of compiled poetry has received a 5/5 start rating from me.
When I had received Emily’s book I was instantly in love with the cover. If you have read my ‘Bookish Confessions’ by the amazing @BethTabler you’ll know that I have been guilty of “judging a book by it’s cover.” I can’t help but appreciate and be drawn to an attractive looking book, I’m only human after all!
Diving into Emily’s series of poems I was instantly captivated by the by the beautifully placed words and although tragic and full of heartache there was a beauty in these words that will stick with me for the rest of my life.
This is the kind of book I would want my sisters and friends to read, something I believe should be placed into high school libraries for young girls to get their hands on and read. There are so many messages and hidden meanings in this amazingly put together poetry book that young girls and women can relate to, messages that young girls need to hear, need to know while learning to grow and love.
Emily has shown that she is nothing but audacious when it comes to her writing, showing and expression in such depth emotion of the love gained and loss through her journey of sexuality and self discovery.
And, she has inspired me to get back into writing my own poetry!
If you love poetry, love, heartbreak, self-discovery, passion, raw emotions… then this is something for you, this is one book you do not want to miss out on reading and enjoying. I’m so honoured to have read and experienced Emily’s emotions through her poetry and I have to admit there were a few line, especially towards the end that had the taps in my eyes running on full.
You can purchase or download your copy of Nicotine and Napalm right here! And don’t for get to check out Emily’s social medias!
Overall this beautifully written poetry book is something I would recommend to everyone of my female friends, family, blogging fam and strangers!
I hope this has inspired you to check out her book and read it for yourself! If there was one book, one piece of poetry that I had to recommend to the world, it would be this poetry book without hesitation.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and as always I appreciate any comments or shares that I receive on all my posts and I wish you all a lovely week!
So, two weeks ago I was nominated for another Sunshine Blogger Award which has made my month! In April I was awarded two of these by two very amazing bloggers (click here to read it). Naomi -creator of Inchingforwards.com – and Leo -creator of Theanxiousteachtwo.home.blog – whom I think you should all check out because they are both so supportive and really great bloggers.
I would like to thank @Amy_May_J, an amazing woman who may just love cats as much as I do! Also, creator of her wonderful blog Sassycatlady.com
Amy likes to blog about General Lifestyle and things based around her life. And you can check that out by Clicking Here.
If you love interesting and intriguing blog posts then go, follow her at: Sassycatlady.com (what are you waiting for?) I’ve really enjoyed every single post that Amy has posted on to her blog Sassycatlady.com and know that you will too!
The Rules of The SunShine Blogger
Award are simply:
Thank the person who nominated you and don’t forget to link back to their site
Answer the 11 questions asked by your nominators
Nominate at least 11 more bloggers for the award
Write 11 new, creative questions for your nominees to answer
Notify your nominees via social media or by commenting on their blog
Lastly, List the rules and display The SunShine Blogger Award logo on your site or in your post
Amy’s questions –
Why did you get into blogging?
I got into blogging as a way to help me overcome a few of my fears, help others who suffer and battler mental health illnesses too and pursue my dream careers.
What music are you currently into?
I’m also into the same songs I was when i was a teenager, I love a lot of different variety of music. Though I do really enjoy listening to a lot of David grey, Post Malone, Carrie Underwood, Bebe Rexha, Imagine Dragons, Pink, Boyce Avenue (cover songs), Hozier, Ed Sheeran, The Cranberries, Arctic Monkeys, Gorillaz and so forth.
I can go from Ed Sheeran to Hollywood Undead in seconds.
Who do you look up to the most?
My mum. Anyone who knows me or has been following my blog or following me on twitter @Tinkableeblog will know my first answer is my mum. She’s always been the person I’ve looked up to, has always been there for me and still continues to be my most supportive cheerleader. But, also my older sister. I remember when I was younger and I always wanted to be like my older sister, she’s always been so beautiful and talented and very witty, I wanted to follow her around everywhere she went.
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?
The best piece of advice I have ever been given has been off my mum, ‘You can’t please everyone, so start with pleasing yourself, even if you think it will displease me. Because at the end of the day you are responsible for your happiness, not for everyone else’s.’
What was the best holiday you’ve ever been on?
Visiting my Uncle in Barry. This must have been when I was 6 or 7…maybe even a little younger or older I’m not too sure as I have terrible memory (another reason why writing is a big part of my life). Me, my mum and siblings spent a week there I think and we went to the beach and fair ground with so many colourful and flashy rides! I had the best time that week, plus he had two dogs (brother and sister) whom I just adored!
What are you most proud of?
Finally following through on starting my blog, as well as my childhood dream job of becoming a author.
What’s your favourite TV Show to binge watch?
I haven’t really watch TV since being in my early teens but me and my boyfriend will watch a few shows now and again. We are currently in the middle of binge watching Grimm and Lucifer. I used to really like watching Friends and still watch The Big Bang Theory (I am so sad to see it come to an end!). I also watch Young Sheldon, and A LOT of cartoons. I really love Archer (New season starts in two days!), Rick and Morty (who have finally announced their release date for November), and Big Mouth.
What makes you laugh the most?
I honestly don’t have an answer for this question as said as it may seem. But I have never taken much notice of myself and with my depression it makes it incredibly hard for me to notice the good things in life, it makes it hard to spot the things that make me laugh the most.
What would be your dream job be?
Who is your favourite Disney character?
I don’t have a favourite, there are too many Disney characters to just have ONE favourite. But my favourite Disney films are, ‘The Beauty and The beast’, ‘Peter Pan/Tinkerbell’ and ‘Snow white’…oh and ‘Bambi!’
Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
If I started writing this list, I’d have to start on a completely new blog post, there’s just too many I’d invite!
What Personality trait has gotten you the most in trouble?
If you had to pick a new name for yourself, what would you pick?
What’s the most courageous thing you’ve ever done?
Would you rather be laughing uncontrollably for the rest of your life or uncontrollably crying?
If you could ask your pet 3 questions, what would they be?
Whats a great book you’ve read recently?
If your life was a movie, what songs would be on the sound track?
As a child, what did you wish to become when you grew up?
Which is better – A novel or a movie?
If Mars was liveable, would you accept a one-way ticket there?
Whats one pet peeve of yours that you wish that you could get rid of – because it hampers your enjoyment of life?
Again I would like to sincerely thank those who nominated me this award, as I believe they are a great way of getting to know more bloggers while acknowledging their amazing blogs and the hard work we all put into them.
This year for Mental health Awareness Month I’m going to be talking a lot more openly about my own mental health, sharing in more depth and detail the battle that goes on behind the closed door.
For Mental Health Awareness Week I’m going to be joining in with Mental Health Foundation cause in spreading more awareness for mental health and this years Mental Health Awareness Week topic is: Body Image.
I thought I would use this to take the opportunity to explain very briefly what body image is before sharing my ongoing journey with my body image.
What is Body image?
So a brief explaining of what body image is: A way an individual views their own body, whether that be they have a positive or negative view on their body. It’s down to how you see YOUR body. It isn’t just what we see in the mirror, thanks to social media it’s so much more than that. It’s about what we think and about what we feel when looking at our own bodies, I’m very accustomed in knowing that the worst critic can be ourselves.
My Body Image – Ongoing Journey
So let just get into it. I was very aware of my body at a rather young age, suffering with really bad skin problems I was the girl that was always cover head to toe so no one could see how bad my skin was. I think I must have been 8 at the time when I truly felt self conscious about having incredibly bad eczema.
It became so bad that I’d risk getting heatstroke, covering myself up as much as possibly (and typically I’d only wear black as it was simple and made me blend in) whenever I left the house.
Then high school start, along with puberty and girly problems. I never wish puberty upon anyone and really, really feel sorry for those coming and soon to be coming to puberty. It really wasn’t an easy ride for me. As I believe it wasn’t for most people.
I quickly looked to using my hair as my shield against my new anxiety and bad body image as soon as my mum allowed me to dye my hair at the age of 14. I was so, so happy that she had finally allowed me to dye my hair, ever since I was little I’d see my mum dying her hair a pretty purple or deep red (usually purple as that’s her Favourite colour) and I really wanted to dye my hair purple like hers.
I walked into school the following week with the most confidence I had ever had up until that point. I was so happy and even more so when I got compliments from my friends, teachers, other students…and my high school crush at the time (this was like 3 year before I met my second major but first major and forever crush).
Of course like every good thing, the good feelings never lasted. My small hold of confidence was quickly sniffed out by my own insecurities and self doubt in my own skin.
Colouring my hair a different colour helped distract me for a while from my body, I become infatuated with dying my hair crazy colours. My hair became my security blanket .
I hated everything about my body, the way it looked, the way I moved in it and the way I felt in my own skin,. I still have these feelings often to this day. I have always had a small framed body, I suppose back then I had a body that had the potential of looking like a athletes body, I was very active, you’d either see me riding my bike or climbing a tree with my friends.
I’d never bring in my P.E (Physical education) nor would I ever bring in my swimming kit when we had swimming. I wasn’t comfortable showing so much of my body off to people. I’ve also found it so wrong that school makes us change around each other or try forcing us to swim. I understand the workout side of thing, I don’t understand why they choose things or ways that makes us the most uncomfortable.
I’d do everything and anything I possible could that would avoid me showing skin or clothing that showed off my body. For years I walked around in dark bagging clothing in the hopes to blend in and not draw notice or attention to myself. Partly because of my anxiety and partly because of my issue with my own body image.
When I got with my boyfriend, my body image changed in my eyes. He’s made me feel as though I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. He’s loved every inch of me, every imperfection that I own and he made me feel as though they weren’t there or as though my imperfection weren’t imperfections. He taught me to love my body for what it was, flaws and all.
With him I feel free and comfortable to wear what I what, when I’m around him I can wear skirts, dresses, short sleeved tops and crop tops. But every other time if its just me, I’ll throw on baggy clothes, tights or leggings and go back to trying to blend in with the background of the world.
Without him, I wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress never mind a dress as pretty as this one was! (These photo were taken at his sister’s wedding two years ago in June).
Of course that doesn’t mean I still don’t have a bad body image. Due to my eating disorder my body changes all the time, I’m always up and down (more often down) about my body. Last year and the year before that I lived in nothing but shorts, tights, leggings and my boyfriends hoodies as none of my clothes fit me any more. I’d lost too much weight.
To this day I’m still shopping in the children section – early teen section for clothes as my body is still so small and unhealthy from years of unintentional abuse. To this day I hate the way my body looks, but I do get moments where I’m happy with it. The moments are few and far but when I do get them I grab hold of it for as long as I can, never knowing when I’ll feel good about the way I looked again.
This year I have taken steps to changing my unhealthy ways and in changing the way I view my body. I’ve started a new diet that has been helping me gain weight for the first time since I was a teenager, I started yoga last year (You can CLICK HERE to be directed to my yoga post) to build muscle I never had due to being so sick in my body. And little, light workouts to build more. I’m starting to go on more of my adventures again and still looking at new ways I can help myself.
It isn’t easy and with social media and all these filters and ways to modify how you look using apps it can have a big helping hand in bringing me down about my body image. And with my body changing all the time, its so hard to like never mind love my body image. I hope one day I can see myself the way my boyfriend sees me.
This, like most personal/mental health related posts wasn’t easy for me to write and it’s even harder for me to post but one of my reasons for starting this blog was to open up more about what I’m going through, to jot things down and share them, to help others going through something similar and little bit to know I’m not the only one with these thoughts and feelings.
So I hope this has given you a little insight on how I view myself which isn’t in a very good light, however my mission to stay positive and push through until I achieve my body goal is ever growing and with the support of all my friends, family and fellow bloggers I’m hoping to share in more depth how body image affects me and those around me.
I also hope that this has shown you, that you aren’t the only one who has bad thoughts of themselves, who hate the way their look. I’ve lost count of the amount of people what have told me I am too skinny, or that I shouldn’t be depressed, self conscious or sad because I’m skinny. I can tell you right now that skinny is NOT everything. It can get very life threatening and I’ll be sharing a post on that later tonight.
I want this post to help other’s open up more about their own body image but also want this post to help you understand that body image is just that, its an image that you can change at will. It’s hard, and it’s not always something that can be achieve but a day of bad body image doesn’t mean that you HAVE a bad body image. It just means that that day was a bad day, tomorrow may be better.
I’d love to hear/read about your body image journey and I really hope this post have inspired you to share your own body image journey, as I stated above that my next post today will be about my weight and the way others see me, rather than how I see myself.
We are all beautiful, no matter the size, the colour, the markings on our skin. It’s all beautiful and it all makes us who we are. It all makes us different and uniquely us.
“Hannah is a 20 something year old blogger from Essex, England, who lives by the sea with her partner and Giant African Millipede. Her blog Pages, Places, & Plates focuses on reviews of a few of her different passions – books, eateries, British experiences, and international travel.”
As a child I
was aware of how prevalent bullying is within school, which was one reason why
I chose to go to the secondary school that I did, which is a girls-only grammar
school in Essex. You have to pass a test to get in and I did – I was ecstatic
as I knew I was going to enjoy school and it was going to be safe from the boys
in my class that had mocked me previously. No more being laughed at because I
wanted to do well in school; no more cruel words because my grades were more
important than getting in trouble. As much as I loved school it turned out I
wasn’t as safe as I thought.
Let’s go back to 2013 – I’d just started Year 9 (so I was around 13-14)
and things seemed to be going pretty well.
I had a tight-knit group of friends, I was doing well in my subjects, and my family was loving and supportive.
I was hurting inside though, struggling to come to grips with who I really was as a person. I was different because I was bisexual, and it was killing me.
I’d told my closest friends about it and they’d been so supportive (apart from one finding it a bit gross but hey, she was 13 – I forgive her as she still looked out for me), but the thought of everyone else knowing was all too much.
I thought I’d be a disappointment to my family, and that I’d be shunned by my class
considering it only consisted of girls.
Self-harm had become the norm for me and my thoughts could turn quite dark at times, but I did whatever I could to deal with it on my own.
One of my friends was going through the exact same thing but it still didn’t ease me – she was a tomboy in a mixed sex school who was much better at dealing with things than I was – I was fragile and I doubt anyone would have been able to guess. I’d been keeping it well-guarded though, and my plan was pretty much to completely ignore my sexuality and hope that I’d continue to be accepted.
One friend had been particularly supportive
But after a while started to seem a bit odd. I couldn’t put my finger on it until I suddenly received a message from her on MSN one evening. To this day I don’t think my heart has ever stopped so suddenly. I remember the noise of the TV in the background fade out and everything seemed to blur except for that message flashing on my screen:
“I’m going to tell everyone you’re bi tonight”.
As I processed it my heart began to beat so fast I couldn’t control it, and I was doing everything I could to hide my emotional distress from my parents, sat just behind me on the other side of the living room.
I started to sweat, I wanted to throw up, and my fingers shook so violently I could barely type.
I asked her why she was doing it and she said something along the lines of
“I can’t keep it a secret anymore… I have to tell everyone to release it from myself.”
And she did, that very night. She messaged everyone in the class on MSN and revealed to them the secret so huge for me that I’d hidden it deep inside me, praying that no one would ever find out. Such an overbearing and consequential concept for me was trivial to her; she spread it casually over instant message like she would a simple greeting.
Not only did she release my deepest fears to the world but also sent out a poll with it, asking whether those in recipient of the message would now still want to be friends with me.
My best friend did everything she could to support me once the message had gone out but it was still a lot to process.
I didn’t get much sleep that night, and my arms suffered for my worry.
morning was the worst of my life… I remember walking to the bus stop so
slowly, feeling like I was heading towards my fate. A fate I didn’t want. In my
head everything was ruined – there was no way school would be the same, and my
family would most likely hate me. I might as well not bother living at all…
What’s the point when it’s all ending anyway?
My friend at the bus stop didn’t acknowledge the messages and was nice to me as usual
Albeit slightly quieter. I was feeling nauseous and dizzy on the bus, but there was no one else from my class there so I didn’t have to worry about their judgement. All I could think about was walking into that door and facing my classmates, ready to disregard me. Would they be angry at me? Disgusted? Or would they simply pretend I wasn’t there?
I nearly didn’t find out, as I was so close to just running away.
But I couldn’t, because I knew then I’d have to explain to my parents why I’d failed to turn up to school. I walked in behind my friend, sat down in my usual seat with as little fuss as usual… And no one jumped on me.
No one shouted at me. And no one looked at me like I was a freak.
Instead, I got words of comfort from my class.
Their anger and disgust wasn’t directed towards me but to my ‘friend’ – they couldn’t believe she’d betrayed me like that.
Classmates I’d barely even spoken to before due to their class and popularity difference were acknowledging me as a person and I was lost for words – I just couldn’t understand why they were supporting me, the one with the filthy secret.
Even those that I knew 100% would be uncomfortable with my sexuality due to their religion and other reasons condemned her, and I was thankful for that.
Interestingly, the ‘friend’ took a couple of days off school ill as she’d realised her mistake once the results of her poll came back. She faced her mistake later with me, but our friendship was never the same and it took her a long time to be accepted properly within the class again. The incident was without a doubt the worst I faced during my teenage years and I’d been so close to doing something stupid to avoid what happened next.
I think back to the harm I’d inflicted on myself and the suicidal thoughts I’d had that night, and how there could have been such a loss if I hadn’t listened to my friends and faced my fears…
My journey could have ended due to something that turned out much smaller than I thought it was.
I’m not the bravest person on the planet (far from it, in fact) but I’m glad I was brave that day as it taught me two things – support is always out there, even if it’s not in the way you’d expected, and facing the hurdles in life will eventually make you stronger as a person.
This is only one instance of bullying and most likely widely different from some other stories out there as each experience is individual, but for those experiencing bullying I want them to know one thing in particular.
Even though you don’t feel like you can get through it you can – you just have to move forward and accept the support that’s there.
It may take time and there may be pain and misery involved but just know that once it’s over (which it will be) you’ll be so glad you saw it through to the end.
What wise words at the end! Thank so much, Hannah for you’re bravery in sharing your story with us today. And it goes to show that even those you assume or judge to be… well judge-y, can turn out to be you’re greatest supporters and those who seem like friend, could just be a jealous enemy in disguise.
This is truly an inspiring story and I feel this can help a lot of others who are feeling the same or experiencing similar problems with facing who they are, as a person and sexually. There is nothing wrong with who you are and who you like and it should be something that everyone can openly tell people around them without it being a problem. Our sexuality should be as common as buying something online, you shouldn’t feel fear and it shouldn’t be a constant dreaded though should someone find out. And I hope one day soon that is where we will be at but until then we will continue to share our stories and help one another through the only way we know how, by experience, words and positive vibes.
So Today marks International Women’s Day. This is a day celebrated in many countries around the world. It is a day where women are recognised for their achievements without regard to divisions, whether national, ethnic, linguistic, cultural, economic or political. The Charter of the United Nations, signed in 1945, was the first international agreement to affirm the principle of equality between women and men.
Since then women have come a long, long way from where we were then. We have a lot more freedom although there still seem to be so many obstacles in the way, when looking back i’m slightly stunned by what we as women have achieved. In honour of International Women’s Day I thought I’d write a post on inspirational women. Now there is without a doubt countless of inspirational women out there but for me my inspiration is drawn from my mother and younger sisters.
My mum has forever been the one person I know I can relay on, she’s always been there for me. Through the worst decisions of my life to some of the best, she’s pushed me forward when all I wanted to do was step back. She’s manage to be my mum, dad, best friend, protector and therapist all in one go. She’s never once stopped me from doing something I’ve wanted to do, she’s always stood by and supported me through my decisions however good or bad, just giving me advice whenever she could.
I have watched my mum fight some dark demons from past and present and she still continues to fight them to this day, and the amount of respect I have for the strength she always seems to managed to find is almost as much as the love I have for her. I would never trad a single quirky, Gothic, erratic and caring trait of hers. Her imperfections and perfections are what makes her such an amazing mum and I could never ask for a better one, I’ve never needed anything because of her, even when I was blind to that. (Pesky teenage hormones )
I say my sisters are also inspirational women is because although two have yet to make it into ‘womanhood’ they have all been through so much, are going through so much and coming out the other side better than I ever would. The way my sisters just take the bad and shake it off is so… admirable. I have a break down when I can’t find a pair of matching socks!
Not only that but they have also been there for me, when I have been sad and I think I’m hiding that I’m sad I’ll suddenly get a hug out of nowhere, a piece of paper slipped under a door with a drawing. They know what to say what to do to make me smile and I’m so proud of the woman and young girls that they are growing up to be. They don’t see it, or realise just how amazing they are but I know and now the rest of my readers do too!
And they are all so creative and smart! I spent 3 years using the internet, youtube and books I could get my hands on teaching my self to play the keyboard and another two-three learning how to play the piano. But my little sister taught herself how to play twinkle little start in one evening just by using sound! She didn’t search up the keys, the notes or what order to play them she played every single note, listen to every little sound until she made a sound that sounded like Twinkle little Star.
My other sister has self taught drawing, something I too tried at one point but quickly lost all passion for it when I realised I just wasn’t any good at it. But my sister has perfected the art of teaching herself to draw, she has spent many hours drawing and re-drawing the same picture until it looked right to her. She has over come so many things in her life through bullies to unexplained emotions to growing up. She’s put me to shame with her strength and reserve in continuing on no matter how hard things seem.
And then my youngest sister, being through so much already at a young age with medical issues the doctors had told my mum and step dad that my sister would never be able to walk, talk , crawl or be her own person due to complications but at the age of one my sister had them all gobsmacked when she was talking, crawling and learning how to walk! She’s always acted older than her age and I believe my sister has one of those old soul. She’s very academic, she’s so very clever and bright and recently she’s dabbled in art and the practice of yoga.
These women have been there throughout the best and worst of my life, the have stuck by me and have helped me through some pretty bad times and I couldn’t imagine a life where they weren’t who they are now. I’d never change a single thing about them and can only hope that as they get older, as the world keeps turning people too will recognise just how special they are too.
I hope this opens your eyes to the women around you and the women in your lives and makes you realise what little gift they are to have in your life. Don’t take them for granted, take care in what they say and believe them when they say they care. Women can be your best friend or your worst nightmare its all in how we are treated and how much respect we are shown.
Show us respect and you might be surprised by the out come that will have.