Hidden Beauty – Spring Equinox 2020

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Hidden Beauty – Spring Equinox 2020

March 20th 2020, marked the first day of spring (also known as Spring equinox or Vernal equinox) and the last day of Winter.

Coronavirus has taken over, it’s all anyone can talk about, think about and worry about. Because of this we are forgetting and missing a lot of life’s simple pleasures/beauty while we are all caught up in today’s panic, such as Spring.

Spring season is consider the period between the Spring Equinox and the Summer Solstice. Spring is also typically consider the season of rebirth, of blossoming new life, new beginnings and growth.

With the scare of the Coronavirus at the forefront of everyone’s mind it seems as though the world has stopped moving, and almost anything goes. But lucky for us, mother nature never takes any breaks and we are once again graced with another beautiful seasonal spring equinox.

Although the world is becoming more and more unknown and scary, we can still all take a moment, to take a deep breath and open our eyes to the simple beauty that surrounds us.

A lot of people love the Spring time because its usually the season where all the baby animals are born and running around and enjoying their new life. And because our fields, gardens are patches of greenery start to sprout flowers and other beautiful plants.

Essentially, The Earth comes to life during the Spring Equinox.

Birds are making themselves known, bee’s are starting to get to work on all those beautiful flower’s sprouting up, squirrels are running around playing with each other and climbing the tree’s. With less people loitering the streets/parks the animals and wild life are trying to reclaim their places.


Not only that but due to the lock-down a LOT of people are now focusing a lot of their time and attention onto their gardens (since that’s where they are spending a lot of their time these days) and the streets have never looked more bright or colourful than they do now.

Not only that but our sunrises/sunsets are becoming more colourful and breathtaking.


The end of a decade and the start of a new. Goodbye 2019 and hello 2020

It’s so insane to think that we can now close the book on one decade and say goodbye to yet another year so we can start anew for the following decade ahead of us and the years that follow. I never thought I’d make it this far and honestly I’m in shock and proud of myself that I’ve reached this far. I’m proud of my family and everything they have survived this decade and in awe of their ability to pick themselves back up and keep going.

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Goodbye 2019

2019 for me has been one of my most peaceful years (mentally…) that I’ve had in far too long a time. Don’t get me wrong it’s still be crazy and I’ve still had a lot of really bad moments but for the first time in my life I was able to focus on the good moments too, enough that the bad hasn’t overridden the good.

If I were to comment on this decade, I would tell you it’s been one of the most insane, crazy, happy, intense, heart-breaking, nerve-wrecking and life changing decade I hope to ever experience.


This year on February 4th 2019 I start this blog! After a year of second guessing and going back on myself I finally went through with what I wanted to do and set out to “write my dreams” instead of letting my mental illnesses win and overrule my life. And it all started with this blog.

Since blogging I’ve been opened to so many amazing opportunities that had been closed off to me before. I’ve gotten to speak to some incredible authors and have come across some amazing book series (one of which helped bring me out of my year long reading slump: Heavenward by Olga Gibbs) and my review you can read here on my blog!

I can’t wait to see what opportunities are brought to me in 2020!

2019 blogging has also helped me with my own mental state, it’s helped me to understand a some of my mental illnesses and open my eyes to things I never even thought about when thinking about my mental illness. It’s also helped me to learn and understand about other’s and all the other different types of mental illnesses there are out there.

It’s been a great way to track and log my progress and although I’ve not done as much of that as I had planned last year, this year, I’m hoping to change that and open up more through my blog.

I’ve learnt new things about myself this year that I don’t think I would have ever realised or noticed before without starting this blog, It’s helped in my confidence and its made me even more motivated to write my novel, to go out there and become a psychologist and to have my blog running steadily through that time. I’m more motivated now than ever to go after what I want no matter what’s standing in my way, I know my worth and value and nothing and nobody is going to stop me for achieving the future I want for myself.

I even went on a few adventures with my love and little Toby (one of which I think I’ve written about on my blog) and even had Bella and Brad join a few (Bella is one of Toby’s best friends!). On one of my adventures with Dan we came across a really beautiful butterfly that even kept still long enough for me to snap a few picture of it! It was such a relaxing and wonderful day of walking about in nature and away from people.


2019 wasn’t just a great year for the start of my blogging life, it also became a great year for my health. I became a year free of smoking, I had gotten into my yoga practice a lot more, started a few new workouts and I had even managed to start eating more and gained weight for the first time in a years. Overall this year I have felt the healthiest I have in far too long.

Mental Health Matters

My mental health has also improved a little in 2019, I noticed I’ve had less break-down, less blow outs, I’ve managed to find a new coping method that helps me to manage my emotions a little better. They still get the better of me and I’ve not gotten complete control over them, but now I FINALLY have a way to gain at least a little control which is a big step for me.

2019 brought me inner peace.

2019 I learnt to let go of a lot of my negative emotions and thinking. I finally feel a peaceful in myself that I’ve been trying desperately to obtain for what seems like my whole life, I’m not feeling that constant war within myself that I’m usually battling with on a daily basis, I haven’t managed to rid myself of it completely but the feeling is there less now. Because of this a lot of my personal relationships have gotten better and I wouldn’t change that fact for the world.

unfortunately as usual with me I’ve ‘fallen off the wagon’ as the saying has goes and I’ve gotten myself stuck into a few old bad habits again, I’ve stopped eating and lost the weight I gained and due to my not eating I’ve decided to stop all exercising – not wanting to risk anymore weight loss than I’m already experiencing.

A lot happened in 2019:

  • Loki was born had his first Halloween and Christmas with us.
  • My sister and mum had big operations and are still recovering incredibly well from them.
  • I attempted Camp NaNoWriMo2019
  • My Kitt-Katt became a little senor cat this year
  • My little sister turn 16!
  • My little brother turned 13!
  • I did yoga with my little sister
  • I took my sisters to a Pusheen event in early celebration of my little sister’s 16th birthday
  • I was finally able to dye my last little sister’s hair for the first time. (It’s like a right of passage in my house)
  • I found out that the vets didn’t neuter one of my cats properly and caught him spraying out in the garden (luckily he’s too much of a good boy to do it in the house)
  • I also found out that my little Bear – who is two now – is Oreo’s son
  • I still haven’t gotten over how much Gizmo looks like her dad (my kitt-katt)
  • I met Cloud (My friends new kitten)
  • Spirit went to a new home and became best friends with his new brother Cloud
  • Spirit passed away a few months before Christmas
  • I’ve connected with myself
  • I’ve dyed my hair purple
  • Was blonde for a day
  • Then dyed my hair orange
  • Worked on myself and actually made progress!
  • I’ve baked a little in 2019
  • Spent many late nights working on blog post
  • Spent many more late nights working on my novel
  • My mums cat went missing for a week so I spent that week climbing over her garden wall into the wilderness behind calling her, leaving food, tuna, treats, and her cat carry (she’s obsessed with it for some reason) until she finally made her way back home to my mum.
  • I’ve learnt a lot about myself in 2019
  • Experienced some extremely frosty mornings but no snow…
  • And entered the 7th new year with my Dan

Now that we are in 2020 it’s time to give up those bad habits again and focus on my health. I plan on getting back into my yoga practice as well as my work outs and hopefully eating a bit more food on a regular basis.

I also have plans to get out a bit more and to complete another online course for my psychology. My mum got me a new camera for Christmas so I’ll probably be taking a LOT of pictures while testing it out and getting a feel for it (I can’t wait! I’ve already used it a few times for some cat pictures and moon pictures – I a little moon mad :P).

I plan on taking this year a little slower in the hopes that it will help me work through my messy mind and bring to life all the ideas that are cramped inside. I have a lot of hope for this decade, I lot things I’m hoping to see come to pass.

I also have a few book reviews that I was meant to get through in 2019 but either unfortunately forgot about them (it’s what happens if I’m sent them online rather than in physical form – unfortunately its out of sight out of mind with me as my memory is awful – or simply just haven’t been able to get round to them yet but I’m not taking on any more book review until I’ve gotten through and posted the ones that I was hoping to have out before the start of 2020.

Before I leave this post and wish you all a great year and a great start to a new decade I just want to thank everyone who has helped me, supported me and stuck by me through these months. I’ve almost made it to a full year of blogging! And it wouldn’t have happened with out your support and encouragement and there are just a few blogs I want to leave everyone with the option of checking out.

These bloggers are some phenomenal, creative and inspiring people that has helped me through my own journey of blogging, mental wellness and recovery and I know that a lot of my viewers would either love or benefit hugely from checking these bloggers blogs out. –

That Autistic Fit Chick

The Mini Smallholder

Nyxie’s Nook

Readers Enjoy Authors’ Dreams

Wellbean blog

Fraser’s Fun house

BestieTalks

Pages Places & Plates

ColourlsSimplyArt

TimeToTalk

Inching Forwards

Leooooo – The Anxious Teacher

Unwanted Life

TRJ Blog – The Ray journey

Jack Deyes

And with that list of amazing blogger, I hope you all have a happy, safe and peaceful year and thank you all again for sticking with me through all my inconsistency.

The Watson Letters – Volume 5 – Murder on Mystery Island – Book Review by LittleTinkablee

*This post was originally meant to be out yesterday but due to problems with first my blog and then my laptop it’s come out a day later than anticipated and I do sincerely apologise for that*

I’m so excited to announce that I am taking part in ‘The Watson Letters – Murder on Mystery Island – Volume 5’ Blog Tour. Book written by the incredible Colin Garrow and hosted by the amazing @damppebbles.

The Watson Letters Vol 5 - Murder on Mystery Island banner - Blog Tour 2019
The Watson Letters Vol 5 – Murder on Mystery Island banner – Blog Tour 2019

Blurb


Intrepid Investigators Holmes and Watson continue their fight against crime in a not quite post-Victorian, steampunk parallel universe.

The Watson Letters Vol 5 Murder on Mystery Island KDP Paperback COVER JULY 2019 EBOOK.jpg
The Watson Letters Vol 5 Murder on Mystery Island KDP Paperback COVER JULY 2019 EBOOK

When consumptive Doctor Edward Armstrong turns up at Baker Street with an invitation to visit a mysterious island, Sherlock Holmes smells a rt. Sounding deviously similar to the plot of recent novel by celebrated lady author Mrs Christie, Holmes decides to send his inveterate side-kick Watson to the island, along with the Doctor’s lovely, but wonky-eyed wife, Mary, and a well-known Scotland Yard detective. Taking Armstrong’s place, the team determine to find out exactly what’s going on, but before they’ve even left the mainland, one of the guests is murdered.

Adult Humour throughout.

My Review


Despite this being the first book I’ve read in this series I had no problem reading it as a stand-alone story.

I also want to start this off by giving my 5/5 Stars at the beginning of this review.

A group of unrelated guests are all invited to stay on a remote Island. A serious but witty Dr Watson and his equally witty and hilarious wife, Mary, agree to join in the hopes of figuring out what was really going on. They set off on a new adventure to this mystery Island in the hopes of solving the big mystery plaguing everyone. With everyone being a potential suspect tension starts rising high as victims are picked off one by one.

A mix of the classic Sherlock Holmes and Watson mysteries with Agatha Christine, along with Watson’s wife Mary and a whole host of suspicious characters .

This amazing spoof take on the famous Sherlock Holmes, tales is set in a parallel universe with an incredible take on the original characters, weaving a complete new layer onto them with fantastic results.

Murder on Mystery Island is the 5th instalment in ‘ The Watson Letter’s series’ written by author Colin Garrow.

Holmes, Watson and Lestrade all make an appearance along with the humorous Mary Watson and a few other intriguing characters.

‘You do realise,’ said Mary, flicking through a copy of Detective Monthly, ‘We shall be horribly murdered?’

‘I should have thought that horribly was the only way to be murdered,’ I said, giving her a playful wink.

Murder on Mystery Island – The Watson Letters – Volume 5

Murder on Mystery Island races at a breakneck speed with many interesting twists and turns that will leaving your gripping the end of your seat the more you read. This was truly a deliciously funny and suspenseful read, a classic to its core.

My thought’s


This is the first book I have read by this author and in this series and honestly I can’t wait to read the other’s, I’ve already added them to my TBR list!

I absolutely LOVE Sherlock, I think I have seen every film and every TV series to do with the phenomenal Sherlock Holmes, and yet I have never indulged in a Sherlock Holmes novel. Lucky for me though I was present with an incredible opportunity of doing just that through this amazing blog tour!

If you love pure silliness, Adult witty humour, murder, mystery, with modern (ish) pop culture references and you love crime solving and fart-gags with lots of innuendo then this is right up your ally!

Murder on Mystery Island left me laughing from start to finish as well as eager to read the previous books written in this phenomenal series. So what are you waiting for? Why not check it out now!

Purchase Links


Amazon UK ebook

Amazon UK paperback

Amazon US ebook

Amazon US paperback

Smashwords


Publishing Information:
Published in paperback and ebook formats on 7th October 2019.

Social media links


Twitter

Facebook

Website: (adults)

Website: (children)

Website: (The Watson Letters)

Amazon Author Page

Smashwords

About the Author


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Author -Colin Garrow

True-born Geordie Colin Garrow grew up in a former mining town in Northumberland and has worked in a plethora of professions including taxi driver, antiques dealer, drama facilitator, theatre director and fish processor, and has occasionally masqueraded as a pirate.

Colin has published three stage plays, six adventures for middle grade readers, two books of short stories, the Watson Letters series and the Terry Bell Mysteries.

His short stories have appeared in several literary mags, including: SN Review, Flash Fiction Magazine, The Grind, A3 Review, Inkapture and Scribble Magazine.

These days he lives in a humble cottage in North East Scotland where he writes novels, stories. poems and the occasional song.

The Watson Letters Vol 5 - Murder on Mystery Island banner - Blog Tour 2019
The Watson Letters Vol 5 – Murder on Mystery Island banner – Blog Tour 2019

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my review and I hope this has intrigued you enough to buy your own copy, Until next time!

Getting Our Monday Motivation On Can be Hard

(I originally started typing this post out before my yoga this morning, however I got very distracted, then even more distracted -I’m easily distracted, one of my many talents 😛 – and completely forgot I was in the middle of writing this post!)


“Hope is brightest when it dawns from fears.”

– Walter Scott
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Take a moment

Getting our Monday motivation on can be incredibly difficult, especially if you are anything like me and tend to experience the “Monday Blues” no matter how sunny it is outside. However where I have been making it my mission to change the way I think, in the hopes of changing the way I feel and function, I’ve been trying to find ways/things I can do to change when I am feeling…Off.

The main thing I have implemented into my daily life in the hopes of keeping myself, somewhat balanced in myself, is morning yoga. Every morning I am trying to get through a yoga routine. You can read in more depths the benefits I gain from doing morning yoga by clicking, HERE. Last week I changed my yoga routine up a bit to something a little more challenging.

I’ve also cut down my chocolate intake, cut down on my cups of tea and more or less no longer drink coffee. I’m still missing breakfast, and this month hasn’t been my proudest for my weight as I’ve lost quiet a bit of weight again, instead of gaining. I’m taking steps to getting my body and myself used to breakfast. I’m both disappointed and…a little relieved? I’m still fighting through and figuring out my emotions when it comes to self changes, both within myself and my body.

This, Monday, I have managed to get through one of my yoga practice and already feel 10x better. I plan on having a bowl of fruit and a homemade smoothie for breakfast this morning. I’m also going to be spending the say making more candles and wax melts, ready for my release date.

Tomorrow I’ll be posting my long awaited hair clip review for @Linziclip which I am super excited to share with you all. I’ve never really been one for playing around with my hair, because its weird thickness and texture and add in that it has a mind of its own, products, hair clips, straighteners or curlers, nothing ever worked on it! That was of course until I came across Linziclip hair clamp clips!

I’m also starting each day off with a positive, a motivational and inspirational quote, to get the positive vibes kick started and as soon as the weather is less…wet, I’ll be able to go on more walks and jogs.

Over the weekend I spent a day babysitting and decided to bake with the kids to keep them entertained and to give them something else that they can learn to do and feel a sense of accomplishment from, not to mention baking is just so much fun! And you get a tasty treat at the end of it! This weekend we decided to make a colourful unicorn themed cake, not only did it taste amazing, but it looked amazing too! I couldn’t be prouder of them for the cake they created! I barely had to do anything, I mainly just stood (sang along with songs) and supervised them and handled the oven part. (pictures of the cake below!)

Besides baking cakes with kids, my little sister has taken on my love for baking and when I went to see my mother the other day I was greeted to a home baked brownie, that tasted better than any store bought brownie you’ve ever come across, nothing will beat a home baked desert (other than home cooked food).

I have a lot to get through today but I’m also going to be making a stronger point to take little breaks, to do things differently and take a step back when necessary. When blogging you can come across some amazing people! But it can also unfortunately lead you to some… trouble people.

This year since starting my blog, my 6 to 7 year long internet troll has been trying to take on some of my traits, some of my personality, she has take my ideas and ran with them herself, she has gotten her family and friends and I assume “partner” too, to stalk my social medias as well as my blog posts. She has copied my life from the highs all the way down to the lows, she has turned my positives into negatives and taken my negatives and used them for her own personal gain an attention. However I have not let her or her crazy and her unhealthy obsession with me and my life get to me, I am still pursuing MY dreams and creating the life I WANT. And through continuing creating the life I want, I hope that she see that trying to be someone else doesn’t full fill you or give you the things you seek.

Being true to yourself takes courage and I hope that some day you’ll gain the courage to be true to yourself, rather than living behind a mask that is my life. But just know that I will not be stopping my blog because of you, I will not delete my social media because of you, I will not stop my future vlogging for your and I will not give up on my dreams because you are unable and creative enough to come up with your hopes and dreams. Until the day comes that she learns that this unhealthy behaviour is that, unhealthy, I will continue to write my blog posts that I hope can help her through her own personal demons as well as helping others.

I don’t hate this person, nor could I ever bring myself to hate another human being. Hate is just too strong of a feeling of an emotion and unless you have done some serious harm or damage to me, I don’t see the point in wasting/feeling such a strong emotion. I do Hope though. I hope she gets the help she needs, that she realises what she has done is wrong, that you don’t have to pretend to be someone else to have people like or accept you. Honestly picking me to copy from is probably the worst thing ANYONE could do. I’m no idol, I’m no inspiration, I’m a broken girl trying to make her own life, trying to figure out who she is, Taking back a life that mental health has overrules. My life is not a life you should copy, its one you should be learning from.

I know this post isn’t one of my typical posts and It’s incredibly short but the game is calling my name! I’ll have two new posts up this week, one of them will be a review post!

Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you all have a lovely week ahead of you. To anyone out there struggling, please don’t be afraid to reach out and contact me, it doesn’t matter what I am doing, if you need someone to be there, to offer a non judgemental conversation or listening ear, then that’s what I will provide. No should have to suffer alone and I can promise you, you aren’t alone, all you need to do is take that first little step into reaching out & ask/seek help.

Starting Yoga

I originally looked into and started yoga last year in February. I had heard so many great things about yoga, had watch documentaries on it changing people’s lives, helping those who have been through some sort of accident that has left them in pain and unable to move as they once had. About how it’s restored people confidence in themselves.

I had also been following a really amazing and inspirational woman @Charity.grace on Instagram for a few years. Charity Grave is a certified make up artist and fitness enthusiast who is best known for her all her make up and hair tutorials on YouTube, she also shares her yoga practice and poses with her children.

Watching her Instagram and YouTube videos had really inspired me to take up yoga as well as a healthier life style and a lot of my yoga inspiration flows from her.

Now when I got into yoga I went into with one goal in mind, strength. But being so low in weight and energy I needed somewhere to begin. Something that wasn’t too physically demanding and easy on the body.

Upon doing a little research I came across Iyengar Yoga. Founded by B.K.S Iyengar and focuses on three aspects: alignment, sequencing and timing. Some of the benefits I had read where:

  • Improve physical and psychological health
  • Alleviate postural/structural problems
  • Release emotional tension
  • Increase focus and concentration
  • Increase your energy
  • Reconnect with your body and breath
  • Bring intelligence and clarity to all parts of the body and mind.

It’s great for everyone! Beginners and intermediate/advance students. I also read that it can be really good for those with injuries and need to work slowly and methodically.

Iyengar yoga’s attention to alignment and use of props to help you into the poses means that it is ideal for beginners to gain optimal alignment and it can be really therapeutic for people with postural issues.

The first year, I didn’t really take it very seriously, I won’t lie. I have never, ever had any motivation what so ever for any kind of excise. The only thing I enjoy doing in the terms of that is taking really long walks.. that’s it. So it did take me a while to get into and to notice any benefits it was providing me.

I’m not really one to take much notice of myself, it was one of the main reasons I had let my health get so low and so I didn’t start to notice anything until my family and friends spoke up and told me what they had notice. It still took me a little time to really notice anything still as I really am sceptical of anything that can help me. But when I did… it was probably one of the best feelings in the world. This was something that could actually work and help me.

So, I did EVENTUALLY notice the difference in myself, I had an appetite in the first time since I was probably a teenager, I was starting to get more energy to do things, move things and do a longer yoga practice. I went from doing 10 minutes of yoga maybe two-three times a week to doing 20 minutes and then half hour.

My main benefits have shown this year as I’ve started to take it more seriously and put a lot more work, a lot more research, time and practice into it. I still do Iyengar Yoga practise everyday (though I have stopped using my props – but I’m going to be bringing them back into my practice soon I think) but I have started to expand my yoga and I’ve started doing Restorative, Kundalini and Yin Yoga.

My little sister has decided to join me on my yoga journey this year after finding out that she’ll be needing a surgery for her scoliosis and I think with my sister doing yoga and all the talk I give my mum and other sisters about it, they too might be joining us on our yoga journey!

Here is a small list of a few yoga YouTube videos that I watch while doing yoga at home:

I’ll soon be doing a post on the different types of yoga out there available to you! As well as the benefits they can bring. I hoped you enjoyed reading today’s post!

My eating Disorder Story

My Eating Disorder Story

(So I started writing this post last week during eating disorder awareness week and ended up putting it on pause and writing other posts instead, I guess I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was to have my full story out there but it is something I want to help spread awareness on and so without further ado here’s my story so far).

Some of you may already be aware of ‘Eating Disorder Awareness Week’. A week dedicated to spreading awareness about eating disorders, people who have them, what it’s like and how to help.

This one hits home a little personally as I have been suffering from an eating disorder for many years now that I haven’t really spoken up on and haven’t really sought out any help on until recently. I have only recently just accepted and become aware of my own issues, after living blissfully (or so I thought) in denial for far too long, allowing those who loved and cared for me watch me turn into something… that could barely pass as a hallow shell of who I once was.

I had easily convinced myself that I was fine, I didn’t have an eating disorder, that everyone was being overly paranoid about my weight because I was just skinny, being skinny through my years I’ve heard it all about my weight. But back when I was younger I never really had a problem with eating, I had what was probably a great relationship with food but as I grew and my body grew so did my taste buds and the food went from tasting like heaven to tasting and feeling as though I had ripped off a piece of cardboard and popped it into my mouth.

I had started going days and weeks without eating when I felt too bad I would drink a lot of tea and suck on a few pieces of chocolate to get me through the day… That was only a year ago for me. It was only a year ago that I accepted that I did have a problem with food.

Because I’ve had so many people talk to me about my weight, worry over me about my weight I never paid them any attention. I’ve had so many people ask me if I suffer from anorexia or some other eating disorder, I didn’t care for it and didn’t want to hear it, it just started making me feel self conscious about myself. I went from only mildly caring about what I looked like to spending up to two – three hours getting readying and checking myself in the mirror. I started wearing more baggier clothing and avoided people I knew instantly would have something to say to me.

2018, summer, standing next to my blue haired pixie sister. It was the first time I had left the house in something other than my boyfriend hoodie and baggy leggings.

It always got to me the way people think they have the right to tell me what they think about my weight, It always seemed cheeky to me that they’d feel comfortable enough to let me know they had been staring at my body and decided that I was too skinny for them. I’ve had people who work with people like me treat me like I’m some delusional fool, I’ve had them think they were helping me when in reality they couldn’t have made things worse. I’ve had someone laugh in my face after telling them something someone has said to me about my weight or lack of as well as my flat-chest. This coming from someone whose job requires them to be sympathetic, understanding and no judgemental unfortunately it’s a trait people don’t know how to rid themselves of.

My spine was always sticking out, you could play it like a musical instrument if you had some sticks.

I guess that’s why I had spent so long in denial so determined not listen to them, telling me they were only letting me know because they were worried about me was starting to come off a lot more like that of scolding a child. It’s never a nice feeling to have everyone around you knock your character down to something small, tiny and voiceless. People started looking down on me, assuming they knew what was best, assuming I can’t handle a life of my own. People already have their thoughts on what they think I want, and they’ve never been so wrong in all their lives.

So with people making me feel as though I was on my own, that we weren’t on equal footing it made me distance myself a lot more from everyone. It made me cloak myself in the saying, “Don’t care what people think of you.” And I had, I’d really stopped caring what people have to say about me, about my life about the things they think I will or won’t accomplish in life. Or at least I thought I’d managed to stop caring.

I started to loose a lot more weight. I wasn’t necessarily that under weight when all of this started, being a small and petite female I have a really petite body frame and of course because of all that I was lighter for my age than others. But I never lost weight to the extreme of fitting into my petite 10-11 year old sisters clothing, it wasn’t to the stage that I was forever seeing every bone that my upper body owned, I had thighs, I had bum and little boobs. I wasn’t bad.

2016 was when my weight started to really drop, my boyfriend was concerned and always trying to get me to eat whenever he could. I was worrying my mother and siblings but I wasn’t paying attention to the way my health was affecting them. I’d convinced myself I was fine, and so that’s what I was, I was fine.

Reduced to nothing but fighting for something.

But I had stopped caring about what I looked like, I stopped caring about the things I wore. I stopped fitting into my clothes and settled for living in tights, leggings and my boyfriend hoodies. Sometimes I’d make an effort in what I wore but I had to borrow my 10-11 (At the time) year old sisters clothes as mine were too big and she was the only one closest to my size.

In 2017 I’d got hit with a really bad virus that had left me bed ridden for a month. I had spent days and nights throwing up whatever I could while not being able to eat anything or keep any liquids down. My family and boyfriend were really worry for me by this point but I kept telling them I was fine. I’ll get over it like I always do and get on with life as normal. Except once I had recovered from it I had taken a look at myself in the mirror and got a shock of my life.

I had found out why everyone was looking at me with worried glances, why my boyfriend wanted me to eat or drink whatever I could, why my mum (who due to her own eating disorder is very understanding with mine) was practically begging me to go to the doctors and seek out help.

I went from being skinny to being…nothing. In that month I had wasted away into nothing and to see that nothing staring at me in the mirror? it was a truly terrifying thing to experience, to realise. The week after I got myself down to the doctors and I have been in the hopes that they have been able to help. So far I have had major struggle getting help from any professionals however I have made my own steps in gaining the weight back since then.

Right now I am waiting arrangements from Talk-Liverpool and an Eating Disorder Clinic in the hopes that they can help me. I have taken my own steps in helping myself including, by keeping an eating journal and through yoga practice.

Left is when I was really underweight, the right a recent photo after doing a yoga workout

Stay tuned next week as I’ll be posting what steps I took in order to help myself once I came to terms with my eating disorder and what other eating disorders there are out there, I’m personally shocked by how many there are that I was so unaware of! I’ll also be sharing what a year of yoga has done for me and what it could do for you.